...so now that I'm a regular at Globogym I've been noticing that some people are a LOT more comfortable with their own nudity than they should be. I've decided to write up some locker-room nudity etiquette rules for those who are nudity-dyslexic:
- It is OK to be completely naked if you are taking off your clothes to put on your towel. This rule also applies if you are taking off your towel to put on your clothes.
- It is NOT OK to shave at the sink naked.
- It is OK to walk in and out of the shower block and/or sauna naked.
- It is NOT OK to dry yourself in the middle of the lockerroom for longer than 20 seconds.
- It is NOT OK to undress when someone is bent over tying their shoelace next to you. It can get awkward when that someone lifts their head and your penis is next to their nose.
- It is NOT OK to have a really bad farmer's tan when you're naked. That just looks weird. You don't want to look like you have a t-shirt on when you're naked.
- It is NOT OK to trim your pubes at the gym. C'mon now! I'm walkin around barefoot and I gotta step on your pube offcuts? HELL NO!
Of course all of the "NOT OK" rules above are deemed null and void if you are hot.
I think the weirdest thing I've seen at the gym is some random guy walk from the shower room to their locker barefoot, and then change while standing on the bench. Hello you just walked to your locker and stepped in crap - how is standing on the bench going to make your feet any safer? Go figure.
Song of the Day: "It's On And Poppin'" - Booty Hop DJs
Random Thoughts
...so I know a number of blogs in my weekly blog round up have a "random thoughts" post every now and then (Hi Riss! Hi Maria!) so here's mine:
- My old manager at my client site called me 'Sam' after I'd been there for 6 months. I got all upset 'coz what if Sam was an asshole and now he thinks I'm Sam-The-Asshole?
- You know a restaurant is expensive when they don't have prices on their menu online
- You also know a restaurant is expensive when they don't have decimal points (e.g. Cream of Tartar soup - 26)
- I think some of the stuff on the menu is totally made up. e.g. grain-fed voulez-fousfous from the lasnort region
- I want to go to Nobu for Steve's birthday in New York. He has no choice in the matter.
- Matt and I got invited to a bachelor party AND a hens night (for the same wedding) next weekend. Which one does a gay guy go to? The bachelor party with female strippers *twirl finger* or the hens night and be the only guys?
- Steve is very defensive about all the stories about him that I blog about.
- When I see the word "analyst" I always pronounce it in my head "anal-ist". Does anyone else do that?
Song of the Day: "Solitaire" - Clay Aiken
- My old manager at my client site called me 'Sam' after I'd been there for 6 months. I got all upset 'coz what if Sam was an asshole and now he thinks I'm Sam-The-Asshole?
- You know a restaurant is expensive when they don't have prices on their menu online
- You also know a restaurant is expensive when they don't have decimal points (e.g. Cream of Tartar soup - 26)
- I think some of the stuff on the menu is totally made up. e.g. grain-fed voulez-fousfous from the lasnort region
- I want to go to Nobu for Steve's birthday in New York. He has no choice in the matter.
- Matt and I got invited to a bachelor party AND a hens night (for the same wedding) next weekend. Which one does a gay guy go to? The bachelor party with female strippers *twirl finger* or the hens night and be the only guys?
- Steve is very defensive about all the stories about him that I blog about.
- When I see the word "analyst" I always pronounce it in my head "anal-ist". Does anyone else do that?
Song of the Day: "Solitaire" - Clay Aiken
Can you smell that?
...so I was chatting with Joy tonight while sitting here like a lump watching the tennis and I remembered a conversation we had at a bar called Angles in Hawaii. It was on our favourite sounds and smells and I think we have weird eardrums and nasal passages.
Sounds
- The crash of a beer bottle into the trash can at a bar
- A Boeing 747 taking off
- The ocean
- The telephone ring when it's someone you really want to hear from
- The buzzy sound that happens when a mosquito gets killed by a bug zapper
- My nephew's laugh
- The screech of the slot machine when you get the feature (hahaha I miss you Joy)
Smells
- Laundromats (I LOVE LOVE LOVE the smell of dryer sheets)
- Onions and garlic sauteing in butter
- Actually...anything sauteing in butter (Yes yes...I'm working on the weight loss)
- Subway when they've just freshly baked some bread
- Freshly cut grass in the summer time (This one is just me)
- My farts (Although this grosses everyone else out)
Speaking of farts...the worst farter ON EARTH is Stevie.
There was this one time (at band camp) when we were all sitting quietly at a cafe in Santiago (That's in Chile for the geographically-challenged. And Chile is in South America for the geographically-retarded). So we're sipping our coffee when this wave of ...putrid diahorrea and vomit crashed over us. I start to dry heave and ran out of the cafe supressing my gag reflex. I was soon followed by Jill and Rhandy. Last to leave was Steve who was uncontrollably giggling to himself, having reached the 10-out-of-10 of farts. You KNOW it's bad when you clear out a cafe.
Song of the day: "You Weren't In Love With Me" - Billy Field
Sounds
- The crash of a beer bottle into the trash can at a bar
- A Boeing 747 taking off
- The ocean
- The telephone ring when it's someone you really want to hear from
- The buzzy sound that happens when a mosquito gets killed by a bug zapper
- My nephew's laugh
- The screech of the slot machine when you get the feature (hahaha I miss you Joy)
Smells
- Laundromats (I LOVE LOVE LOVE the smell of dryer sheets)
- Onions and garlic sauteing in butter
- Actually...anything sauteing in butter (Yes yes...I'm working on the weight loss)
- Subway when they've just freshly baked some bread
- Freshly cut grass in the summer time (This one is just me)
- My farts (Although this grosses everyone else out)
Speaking of farts...the worst farter ON EARTH is Stevie.
There was this one time (at band camp) when we were all sitting quietly at a cafe in Santiago (That's in Chile for the geographically-challenged. And Chile is in South America for the geographically-retarded). So we're sipping our coffee when this wave of ...putrid diahorrea and vomit crashed over us. I start to dry heave and ran out of the cafe supressing my gag reflex. I was soon followed by Jill and Rhandy. Last to leave was Steve who was uncontrollably giggling to himself, having reached the 10-out-of-10 of farts. You KNOW it's bad when you clear out a cafe.
Song of the day: "You Weren't In Love With Me" - Billy Field
Bleh
...so I don't feel like blogging today. Maybe in a couple of days. In the meantime, check out these pics from Ed and Maria's slammin' (as in "No...SLAMMIN outfit" - see "Save The Last Dance) birthday party.
Song of the Day: "Heaven Is A Place On Earth" - Belinda Carlisle
Song of the Day: "Heaven Is A Place On Earth" - Belinda Carlisle
Vomit
...so after discussing this with friends I have decided to make this list anonymous to protect the not-so-innocent's "reputations". This way I get to respect my friend's wishes, and at the same time, encourage lively debate about who the culprit(s) is/are. I present to you:
Drunk Jeopardy - WHO AM I?
9. I drank too much red wine whilst dj'ing, came home and threw up in the bathroom. I thought I was throwing up in the toilet bowl but I actually threw up on the wall. My boyfriend had to clean it up. He was not happy.
8. I got shitfaced on tequila and ended up crashing at my friend's place. In the middle of the night I went to the bathroom, stopped at the bathroom door and pissed on the floor. I woke up in the morning with one sock on. I had no idea where I was. I found out later that the reason I had one sock on was 'coz I pissed on the other one.
7. I like to drink, throw up, and keep drinking.
6. I overestimated how much wine I had for dinner and decided to lay down in my boyfriend's bed to have a rest. I discovered I needed to throw up but couldn't make it to the bathroom. Instead I chose to throw up in the trash can - except I missed and threw up all over my boyfriend's photo albums.
5. I took one tequila shot too many at a gay bar in NYC and started talking to random guys who sat in order of hotness. At times I had trouble staying on my seat. I promptly passed out in the car and upon arrival at home, gave the shrubbery some of last night's dinner.
4. I drank hard WAY too early at my own birthday party and found that at 10pm I was absolutely shitfaced. I struggled across the dance floor holding my mouth. I then sat down and, realising that his party was going to go on for another 4 hours, started telling people to go home.
3. I really liked a guy and wanted to make a good impression on him and his friends at a club. I was nervous about it so I decided to drink to calm my nerves. I got so drunk I threw up under the table...and on the bouncers shoes. I am no longer seeing the guy.
2. I was fooled by my friends who were drinking shots of water while I was drinking shots of vodka. Outside the bar I was then picked up and spun around. On the way home I threw up in my mouth and spat it out on some random guy on the street. My friends then left me to suffer while they went to get hot dogs.
1. I have a habit of drinking a lot and then becoming dead weight. I have been known to pass out under cars muttering "Just leave me here...I'll be fine". On more than one occasion I have passed out on the bathroom floor with my pants around my ankles. Sometimes my friend's mothers find me there and worry that I'm an alcoholic. I also owe my friend a Ralph Lauren beach towel for throwing up black bile on it - and then sleeping on it. I like to work out. (The last one is kinda unrelated to throwing up - but I thought I'd throw it in)
la la la...
Song of the Day: "Don't Wanna Love Ya" - Shanice
Drunk Jeopardy - WHO AM I?
9. I drank too much red wine whilst dj'ing, came home and threw up in the bathroom. I thought I was throwing up in the toilet bowl but I actually threw up on the wall. My boyfriend had to clean it up. He was not happy.
8. I got shitfaced on tequila and ended up crashing at my friend's place. In the middle of the night I went to the bathroom, stopped at the bathroom door and pissed on the floor. I woke up in the morning with one sock on. I had no idea where I was. I found out later that the reason I had one sock on was 'coz I pissed on the other one.
7. I like to drink, throw up, and keep drinking.
6. I overestimated how much wine I had for dinner and decided to lay down in my boyfriend's bed to have a rest. I discovered I needed to throw up but couldn't make it to the bathroom. Instead I chose to throw up in the trash can - except I missed and threw up all over my boyfriend's photo albums.
5. I took one tequila shot too many at a gay bar in NYC and started talking to random guys who sat in order of hotness. At times I had trouble staying on my seat. I promptly passed out in the car and upon arrival at home, gave the shrubbery some of last night's dinner.
4. I drank hard WAY too early at my own birthday party and found that at 10pm I was absolutely shitfaced. I struggled across the dance floor holding my mouth. I then sat down and, realising that his party was going to go on for another 4 hours, started telling people to go home.
3. I really liked a guy and wanted to make a good impression on him and his friends at a club. I was nervous about it so I decided to drink to calm my nerves. I got so drunk I threw up under the table...and on the bouncers shoes. I am no longer seeing the guy.
2. I was fooled by my friends who were drinking shots of water while I was drinking shots of vodka. Outside the bar I was then picked up and spun around. On the way home I threw up in my mouth and spat it out on some random guy on the street. My friends then left me to suffer while they went to get hot dogs.
1. I have a habit of drinking a lot and then becoming dead weight. I have been known to pass out under cars muttering "Just leave me here...I'll be fine". On more than one occasion I have passed out on the bathroom floor with my pants around my ankles. Sometimes my friend's mothers find me there and worry that I'm an alcoholic. I also owe my friend a Ralph Lauren beach towel for throwing up black bile on it - and then sleeping on it. I like to work out. (The last one is kinda unrelated to throwing up - but I thought I'd throw it in)
la la la...
Song of the Day: "Don't Wanna Love Ya" - Shanice
Gay Clubbing
...so my friend Miko and I were talking about gay clubbing and it got us talking Top 5 lists and I felt compelled to blog about it. Here goes!
Top 5 gay clubs:
5. Fusions - Honolulu. Not the fanciest club on earth, but I've always had a good time there. Read into that what you will. :)
4. Splash - New York. My entry into the NYC gay clubbing scene was an explosion of hot men, hot fag hags and one random guy on a leash.
3. Heaven - Madrid. One of those clubs that just lifts you up as soon as you step in. Probably 'coz the dance floor is so jumpin the ground shakes.
2. Circus - Los Angeles. Strong drinks, salsa and hip hop rooms and a wide variety of thuggish latino men to peruse.
1. Muca Cassina - Rome. This place DEFINES how a club should be. Three levels, all of them packed with men so good looking it's like an Abercrombie catalogue exploded. This club will be forever known as the one and only time Joy, Miko, Matt and I gave a perfect 10 to the same guy.
Top 5 after-clubbing meals:
5. Chicken fried steak and scrambled eggs - Dennys, Honolulu. A classic.
4. Lonsilog - Ling Nam, San Francisco. When you're just craving filipino food this always hits the spot.
3. Gyro - Anywhere in Greece. Perfect size and dirt cheap.
2. Turkish Sausage Pide - Golden Pide, Sydney. Matt introduced these to me and now I associate Saturday night with them.
1. Lamb Doner Kebab - Fulham Station, London. After sweating to death in a club in London (why do none of the clubs have a/c???) nothing beats a greasy, cucumber-sauce filled kebab.
There you have it. Coming soon...Lists for Top 5 Alcoholic Beverages, Top 5 Worst Nights Clubbing and Top 5 Throwing Up Stories (not necessarily mine!).
Song of the Day: "I Think I'm In Love With You" - Jessica Simpson
Top 5 gay clubs:
5. Fusions - Honolulu. Not the fanciest club on earth, but I've always had a good time there. Read into that what you will. :)
4. Splash - New York. My entry into the NYC gay clubbing scene was an explosion of hot men, hot fag hags and one random guy on a leash.
3. Heaven - Madrid. One of those clubs that just lifts you up as soon as you step in. Probably 'coz the dance floor is so jumpin the ground shakes.
2. Circus - Los Angeles. Strong drinks, salsa and hip hop rooms and a wide variety of thuggish latino men to peruse.
1. Muca Cassina - Rome. This place DEFINES how a club should be. Three levels, all of them packed with men so good looking it's like an Abercrombie catalogue exploded. This club will be forever known as the one and only time Joy, Miko, Matt and I gave a perfect 10 to the same guy.
Top 5 after-clubbing meals:
5. Chicken fried steak and scrambled eggs - Dennys, Honolulu. A classic.
4. Lonsilog - Ling Nam, San Francisco. When you're just craving filipino food this always hits the spot.
3. Gyro - Anywhere in Greece. Perfect size and dirt cheap.
2. Turkish Sausage Pide - Golden Pide, Sydney. Matt introduced these to me and now I associate Saturday night with them.
1. Lamb Doner Kebab - Fulham Station, London. After sweating to death in a club in London (why do none of the clubs have a/c???) nothing beats a greasy, cucumber-sauce filled kebab.
There you have it. Coming soon...Lists for Top 5 Alcoholic Beverages, Top 5 Worst Nights Clubbing and Top 5 Throwing Up Stories (not necessarily mine!).
Song of the Day: "I Think I'm In Love With You" - Jessica Simpson
Happy Birthday Maria!
...so today is Maria's 28th birthday so much love and a big fat dancing happy birthday to her! My top 5 Maria moments are:
5. The day I re-met her (after about 8 years) when she crashed my birthday party, got drunk and gave the breathalyzer machine on the wall a blow job.
4. New Years Eve 2000 when she got drunk, did the countdown using her body and filled a couple of plastic bags throwing up.
3. Driving to my birthday dinner in 2004 when she thought Spiderman's girlfriend's name was 'Emma Jane' ("MJ is short for Emma Jane!")
2. The time after drinking a bit too much at mine, Rhandy and Steve's apartment where she threw up in Rhandy's bedroom all over his photo albums. I'm beginning to sense a pattern.
1. Dancing at this random gay club on our trip to Melbourne together in 2002 where we were the ONLY ONES in the club (that couldn't have been a good sign at 11pm on a Friday night). We then proceded to dance on the podiums anyway and run around the dance floor looking for the spotlight.
Haffy birpday future mother of Rhanilda!
Song of the Day: "Over and Over" - Nelly with Tim McGraw (that song just isn't leaving my head! And why is it Nelly hasn't rapped on any of his last 20 songs?)
5. The day I re-met her (after about 8 years) when she crashed my birthday party, got drunk and gave the breathalyzer machine on the wall a blow job.
4. New Years Eve 2000 when she got drunk, did the countdown using her body and filled a couple of plastic bags throwing up.
3. Driving to my birthday dinner in 2004 when she thought Spiderman's girlfriend's name was 'Emma Jane' ("MJ is short for Emma Jane!")
2. The time after drinking a bit too much at mine, Rhandy and Steve's apartment where she threw up in Rhandy's bedroom all over his photo albums. I'm beginning to sense a pattern.
1. Dancing at this random gay club on our trip to Melbourne together in 2002 where we were the ONLY ONES in the club (that couldn't have been a good sign at 11pm on a Friday night). We then proceded to dance on the podiums anyway and run around the dance floor looking for the spotlight.
Haffy birpday future mother of Rhanilda!
Song of the Day: "Over and Over" - Nelly with Tim McGraw (that song just isn't leaving my head! And why is it Nelly hasn't rapped on any of his last 20 songs?)
How Gay Are You?
...so Maria's comment on my last blog made me remember a quiz that my friends and I took last year on 'how gay are you'? Take the quiz and find out! One of my favourite questions is...
Is it better to be:
- Smart and Ugly
- Beautiful and Stupid
I think I've debated this question quite a few times. I think I'd much rather be beautiful and stupid. Not like...Anna Nicole Smith stupid, but maybe Jessica Simpson stupid. Oh, and for the record, the gay quiz scores were:
Me - 46%
Rhands - 16%
Maria - 56%
Matty - 36%
Iven - 33%
Mikey - 50%
...and the winner amongst the straight men - Ed with 53% Therefore, Ed is gay than Myself, Matt -AND- Mikey. Wow Ed is gayer than Rhandy and Iven put together (Did anyone else get a visual?)
Song of the day: "Invisible Man" - 98 Degrees
Is it better to be:
- Smart and Ugly
- Beautiful and Stupid
I think I've debated this question quite a few times. I think I'd much rather be beautiful and stupid. Not like...Anna Nicole Smith stupid, but maybe Jessica Simpson stupid. Oh, and for the record, the gay quiz scores were:
Me - 46%
Rhands - 16%
Maria - 56%
Matty - 36%
Iven - 33%
Mikey - 50%
...and the winner amongst the straight men - Ed with 53% Therefore, Ed is gay than Myself, Matt -AND- Mikey. Wow Ed is gayer than Rhandy and Iven put together (Did anyone else get a visual?)
Song of the day: "Invisible Man" - 98 Degrees
Neck cricks are the windows to hell
...so I woke up this morning and I started getting ready for work as per my usual routine. When i was drying myself after my shower i heard a massive crick in my neck and it was game over. I was (and still am!) in so much pain that I had to lie down for half an hour. Being the hardcore survivor that I am, I got dressed in my DKNY finery and headed to work.
After toughing it out for an hour I am finally caving in and going home. I'm still waiting for my bloody physiotherapist to call so he can sort me out. My boyfriend, Matt, is the bomb. He massaged me this morning, dropped me off at work and is now on his way to pick me up. I love you Matthew Ronald Broadfoot!
For all the commenters lamenting Matt kissing women - this one's for you...
*mwah*
After toughing it out for an hour I am finally caving in and going home. I'm still waiting for my bloody physiotherapist to call so he can sort me out. My boyfriend, Matt, is the bomb. He massaged me this morning, dropped me off at work and is now on his way to pick me up. I love you Matthew Ronald Broadfoot!
For all the commenters lamenting Matt kissing women - this one's for you...
*mwah*
Thanks!
...so I was thinking this morning that this year I'm going to make an effort to be nicer to the people who are nice to me. This includes, but is not limited to:
- the 443 bus drivers who have, in the past, let me ride for free 'coz it was raining or 'coz it was christmas
- the girls who work in the coffee cart who know my order and start making my coffee as soon as they see me walking towards them
- the cute british guy who gets on the bus at my stop for making the bus stop prettier (Hi Matt! I love you!)
- come to think of it, all cute guys in general for making the world prettier (Hi Matt! You're Number One!)
- all sales assistants who are not bitter about working in retail. Yes, I know your job bites around the holidays 'coz you're being bombarded but that's no reason to tell me to go to the other line AND THEN SERVE SOMEONE ELSE BEFORE ME.
This segues well into my second thought for the day - I'm going to make an effort to be an asshole to the people who are assholes to me. This is nothing new.
Oh! Thanks to my homegirl Elsie who took these pics from the (final! *single tear*) PeopleSoft Christmas party a few weeks ago.
Song of the Day: "Hands Down" - Dashboard Confessional
- the 443 bus drivers who have, in the past, let me ride for free 'coz it was raining or 'coz it was christmas
- the girls who work in the coffee cart who know my order and start making my coffee as soon as they see me walking towards them
- the cute british guy who gets on the bus at my stop for making the bus stop prettier (Hi Matt! I love you!)
- come to think of it, all cute guys in general for making the world prettier (Hi Matt! You're Number One!)
- all sales assistants who are not bitter about working in retail. Yes, I know your job bites around the holidays 'coz you're being bombarded but that's no reason to tell me to go to the other line AND THEN SERVE SOMEONE ELSE BEFORE ME.
This segues well into my second thought for the day - I'm going to make an effort to be an asshole to the people who are assholes to me. This is nothing new.
Oh! Thanks to my homegirl Elsie who took these pics from the (final! *single tear*) PeopleSoft Christmas party a few weeks ago.
Song of the Day: "Hands Down" - Dashboard Confessional
Happy New Year!
...so it's been over a week sinc emy last blog - take that those who though I blog too much! It's actually been a crazy busy week with lots of food, LOTS of alcohol and lots of friends and family around. To recap real quick:
- Christmas morning with my family. Scored money mostly (that's exactly what I asked for)
- Christmas dinner with Matt's family in Wollongong.
- Scott from SF and Jackie from LA came and visited us for the week.
- New years party at our apartment (my pics coming soon...but in the interim check out Maria's pics)
- Boys night out on Wednesday night saw me getting home at 5am. Woo hoo!
- Many, many lunches and dinners with family and friends
- Many, many alcoholic beverages
...AND Matt and I still managed to go to the gym four times this week. It's surprising how far guilt will take you.
New Years is one of those times of the year where I wish I could duplicate myself and party with all my friends all over the world. Thanks to everyone who gave me drunken NYE phone calls! (Mikey, Steve, Joy and Miko). It's all about 2005!
- Christmas morning with my family. Scored money mostly (that's exactly what I asked for)
- Christmas dinner with Matt's family in Wollongong.
- Scott from SF and Jackie from LA came and visited us for the week.
- New years party at our apartment (my pics coming soon...but in the interim check out Maria's pics)
- Boys night out on Wednesday night saw me getting home at 5am. Woo hoo!
- Many, many lunches and dinners with family and friends
- Many, many alcoholic beverages
...AND Matt and I still managed to go to the gym four times this week. It's surprising how far guilt will take you.
New Years is one of those times of the year where I wish I could duplicate myself and party with all my friends all over the world. Thanks to everyone who gave me drunken NYE phone calls! (Mikey, Steve, Joy and Miko). It's all about 2005!
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